Strategy of
For Better & For Ever
The design of For Better & For Ever
Every edition of For Better and For Ever (Catholic, Christian or Covenant) has Chapters 2, 3, 4 & 5 which help the couple investigate their personal family of origin and then dialogue together to identify differences. For example, Mary's family ate a family meal together most days; John's family were rarely together for a formal meal. Mary's mother was a stay-at-home mom and never worked outside the home; John's mother was a nurse who always worked while also being a mom. When Mary and John answer the questions of For Better & For Ever, they begin to see two things: 1 - Their families are different in many ways. 2 - Both Mary and John tend to think their family is "the way things are" (even when they can admit there some things they would not want to repeat in their own marriage).
Every dating/engaged couple is hoping establish a marriage that is at least as good as or even better than the family in which they grew up. Why is the failure rate so high? It is because each partner assumes that he/she knows best when I comes to making a marriage work well, and these assumptions were developed in two very different experiences of marriage. These two different families of origin taught John and Mary very different family skills. For example, Mary assumes it is very important for her and John to make all important decisions together (because that is what she observed in her parents); John may assume that making decisions on his own is normal and practical (because that is what he observed in his family).
John and Mary's different families of origin will likely be the most important factor dictating how they will function in marriage because each will tend to use the relationship skills they learned growing up in their families ~ whether they are effective or not ~ because those are the skills they know! This is a key point. John may know in his head that it is important to dialogue with Mary before making important decisions, but in the busy-ness of life he is likely to not know how to make the time to get together for dialogue with Mary before making decisions. If this makes sense to you, you can understand why For Better and For Ever focuses on Family of Origin as the starting point, so that couples can begin to learn how they are different (because of their different families) and then begin the project of learning how to deal with these differences. That is what the rest of the book is about........learning how to deal with differences in Dealing with Money, Sex and Intimacy, Communication Skills, Spirituality, In-laws, etc.
Back to the >
Home page