Stepfamily Resources....from Dr. Margorie Engel,
President & CEO of Stepfamily Association of America

Why not use "blended family"?

Resources:
1-Smart Steps
2-Audio Cassettes
3-News Letter
4-Helpful Web Sites
5- Dr. Margorie Engel

  WWW links  

Marriage Preparation Resources
Rev. Robert A. Ruhnke

Dear Rob,                                                                                    8/15/2002

In response to your questions.

1) Why is it best to use the term "stepfamily" rather than "blended family"? "Blended" does have such a nice homey ring to it and "stepfamily" congers up wicked fairy tales. But we know from research today about the damage the concept does to reality-checks and the children’s perception. Couples with "blended" as their objective tend to have the most problematic households and those are the couples most likely to leave the stepfamily because some or all of the members won’t buy into the blended concept. This shows up especially clearly when the stepfamily must deal directly with the child’s other family (visitation, holidays, children’s milestone events).

Family types are identified by the relationship between the adults and the children. We have adoptive families, foster families, nuclear families, and stepfamilies. The word stepfamily is consistent with that generally recognized format.

2) What about the argument that "blended family" is a more positive term than "stepfamily"?  Words with negative connotations have a history of being brought into comfortable and accepted usage. When I was younger, couples never mentioned that they had adopted a child - that opened the door for all sorts of speculation about physical problems. Now we proudly tell the world that the beloved child is adopted and even have open adoptions. Likewise, stepfamilies are a reality we can learn to appreciate. Stepparents serve as parents in all meaningful ways in a large percentage of American families. They provide economic and emotional support, perform child-raising tasks at home, and serve a parental role in the child’s world outside the home.

3) What resources would you recommend? I offer the following. For more information about any of the following materials and to join the Stepfamily Association of America, call Claudia at our office in Nebraska (800) 735-0329:

#1 - Smart Steps for Adults in Stepfamilies and Smart Steps for Children in Stepfamilies are now available (packaged together). Designed to be delivered by professionals or in a living room support group, these are six-week programs using two hours for each week’s segments. Adults expand their knowledge about family type diversity in America, the myths about stepfamilies, realistic expectations for stepfamily members, stages of stepfamily development, legal issues for stepfamilies, finances in stepfamilies, defining roles and rules, using empathy, understanding child development, parenting practices, stepparent-stepchild relationships, Gottman's research on interactions that predict divorce and interactions that predict stability in marriage, communicating with ex-partners, understanding children living in binuclear families, building respectful and caring relationships in stepfamilies.

The children's program centers on themes in research that indicate a child/adolescent's contribution to weaknesses and strengths in stepfamily functioning: learning empathy, realistic expectations for stepfamilies, processing change (individual and family), living in a binuclear family, family strength-building behaviors. This fits with the mission of family life education to "bring the university to the people" by informing, raising awareness, validating experiences, and teaching skills.

#2 - Stepfamily Audio Cassettes. For use in support group programs or for stepfamilies. Explore ways uniquely geared to stepfamilies to make you more knowledgeable and your family life richer, happier, and healthier with the information found in these audio tapes from The National Conference on Stepfamilies which was held in New Orleans, February, 2001.

01 Stepfamily Therapy Not Family Therapy, Scott Browning, Ph.D. (2 tapes)
02 Critical Issues in Stepfamily Law, Margaret Mahoney, Ph.D. (2 tapes)
03 Financial Issues for Stepfamilies, Margorie Engel, Ph.D., William Connors CPA, Carol Ann Wilson, CFP, CDP (2 tapes)
04 Ministering to Stepfamilies: The Next Challenge for Religious Leaders, Ron Deal, M.MFT (2 tapes)
05 The Changing Face of American Stepfamilies, Kay Pasley, Ed.D
06 Transitions from Divorce to Single Parenthood to Remarriage, E. Mavis Hetherington, Ph.D.
07 Spiritually Marginalized: Stepfamilies and the Church, Ron Deal, M.MFT, Dick Dunn,
10 Through Children’s Eyes: Views of Parenting Roles, Susan Gamache, Ph.D.
11 The Law and Stepchildren, Margaret Mahoney JD
13 Premartial Preparation for Remarriage Success, Jeffry Larson, Ph.D.
14 Healthcare Dilemmas: Keeping the Entire Stepfamily Healthy, Michael O. Fleming, MD
16 Exploding the Myth of the Wicked Stepmother, Jean McBride, MS, LMFT
17 The Physical Abuse of Stepchildren: Myths and Realities, Francesca Adler-Baeder, Ph.D.
18 Love Under Siege: Couple Dynamics for a Successful Stepfamily, Emily Visher, Ph.D.
17 The Physical Abuse of Stepchildren: Myths and Realities, Francesca Adler-Baeder, Ph.D.
19 Financial Insecurity of Women in Remarriage: A Taboo Topic, Margorie Engel, Ph.D.
20 The Family Medallion Ceremony, Roger Coleman, D. Min.
21 Public Perceptions of Stepfamilies, Marilyn Coleman, Ph.D. and Larry Ganong, Ph.D.
Public Policy and the Stepfamily, Ron Field, MA
Stepfamilies in the Military, Francesca Adler-Baeder, Ph.D.
Legal Recognition, Rights & Responsibilities, Margorie Engel, Ph.D.
22 Risk and Resiliency in Children Coping with Parents’ Marital Transitions, E. Mavis Hetherington, PhD.
23 Building Stronger Stepfamilies Through the Workplace, Susan M. Hahn and Sally Corwin-Osgood, RN, MEd.
25 Gay and Lesbian Stepfamilies, Anne Bernstein, Ph.D.
26 Stepping into Support: SAA Peer Assistance, Gloria & John Clark
27 Meeting the Challenges of Stepfamily Development: Tools and Tasks, Patricia PapernowPhD
28 Kids, The Courts and Custody, Mark Roseman and David L. Levy, JD
29 Cultural Beliefs, Stereotypes, Myths Portrayed in Media, Larry Ganong, Ph.D. and Marilyn Coleman, Ph.D.
30 Therapy with Stepchildren: The Non-Voting Family Members, Helen Devine, Ph.D. and Jerry Devine, LMFT
31 Splitting Heirs: Estate Planning and Issues in Older Stepfamilies, William Connors, CPA
32 The "New Extended Family" and the Old, Anne Bernstein, Ph.D. and Robert Klopfer, LCSW

#3 - Your Stepfamily: Embrace the Journey is the official magazine of the Stepfamily Association of America. It is distributed bi-monthly to all members of SAA and is also available by subscription.

For more information about all of the above materials and to join the Stepfamily Association of America, call Claudia at our office in Nebraska (800) 735-0329.

#4 - Web sites. There are quite a few, each is a little different. These are some I recommend:

• Stepfamily Association of America.
• National Stepfamily Resource Center (New since 2006)
• Stepfamily inFormation
• Stepping Stones Counseling Center
• SAA’s Virtual Chapter and Support Group
• Your Stepfamily Magazine
• Ron L. Deal, Christian stepfamily ministry
• Stepfamily Network
• Jan Blackstone-Ford
• Stepfamilies: More Internet Resources

For twenty years, the Stepfamily Association of America was the only national nonprofit organization to support and advocate for stepfamilies.  It assisted similar organizations to form in Japan, Canada, Australia, England, and other countries. Unable to acquire grant money after the 9/11 terrorist attack in New York and Washington, the Board of Directors voted reluctantly in mid-2006 to close  the organization because of insufficient operating funds. in closing, SAA donated its online and other resources to a new nonprofit organization, the National Stepfamily Resource Center (NSRC) sponsored by Auburn University In Alabama.