Living Together

Concerning Sex Before Marriage & Living Together
by Robert A. Ruhnke

What about sex before marriage?

If you go by what you see on TV and movies and hear in popular music, you would get the idea that “everybody does it.”

But even if most “everybody” seems to be doing it, is there any validity to the tradition of abstaining from premarital sex?

For many years, I have been listening to hundreds of couples and individuals talk about their experience of sex before, during, and even after marriage (divorced folks and widows). This listening has led me to conclude that the tradition of abstaining from sexual intercourse before marriage in order to make sexual intercourse a special element of marriage results in more satisfactory marriages and is a value that is spiritually on target.

At the same time, I think most people in our society ~ and even in our churches ~ have little understanding of WHY abstaining from sex before marriage is the best way to prepare for a better and more satisfying marriage. When people are young ~ and not married ~ it is hard to imagine/understand why abstaining from premarital sex will pay off in better sex and deeper intimacy in marriage!

My suggestion is that may be very good to ask questions and listen to folks who have some experience of both dating and marriage to see what they have learned from their personal experience. Only those who are married can talk from personal experience about the difference between sex before marriage and sex in marriage.

Here is a list of books and web sites that provide some information; I hope you may find this useful!

· All about Living Together before Marriage http://members.aol.com/cohabiting/ This is probably the most information you can find in one place. It includes the latest scientific research as well as theological points of view.

· “Let’s Make Love, the meaning of sexual intercourse” by Jack Dominian. I think the is the best effort to put together Christian/Catholic tradition and modern psychology. The book is no longer in print, but you can find new/used copies on Amazon.com

· “Couples who are living together/sexually active” by R. Ruhnke. This is Chapter 6 of For Better and For Ever. It is a text and reflection questions for dating/engaged couples.

· “How far is too far?” www.rustyparts.com/sexethics/premarital.php

· “Why wait till marriage?” by J. Williams www.probe.org/content/view/943/169/

· “How far can we go?” Simon www.teachingpages.co.uk/minilesson/sex.html

· “I have a feeling” www.boundless.org/2000/departments/theophilus/a0000398.html

· PremaritalSex:Positives&Negatives www.allaboutworldview.org/Premarital-Sex.htm

· It's never too late to be a virgin!

· A Reflection for Couples who are Living Together http://www.rootedinlove.org/

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