Effective Sponsoring continues after the wedding.

We have known for decades that even the best marriage preparation is not enough to adequately prepare couples for the reality of marriage beyond the wedding ceremony. Being "in love" provides the motivation to get couples through all kinds of challenges on the way to their wedding day. However, when their wedding is "history" and they settle down to the reality of marriage ~ and all kinds of demands and responsibilities ~ they soon grow beyond being "in love" and they discover (painfully!) that they are not growing closer to one another and they are no longer seeing only the best in each other.

This experience of disillusionment is actually the next phase of marital love. Why? Because the couple has the opportunity to see each other more fully and honestly (the weaknesses as well as their strengths) and ~ using the right skills ~ can build a deeper kind of love. But, most couples don't know how to love one another when each of them is feeling less loved by the person they were once "madly in love with." When their feelings of complete trust have gone away and they are feeling distant and even afraid of each other!

When you ~ the Sponsor Couple ~ met with them before their wedding day, they believed they would never feel this way about one another. So, even though you told them that you would always be ready to support them after the wedding ceremony, they are not likely to reach out to you because they are embarrassed to be "out of love" with one another (this feels like some kind of failure!) and they don't want to "disappoint" you (because they said they would never "fail" in loving one another). That is why it is so important that you take the initiative to reach out to them.....

You know the value of meeting with them face to face (as you did before the wedding), and that would be the ideal way to "follow-up" after the wedding. But it may be very difficult to carve out time in your busy lives to set up a face to face meeting, so it may be important to see what can be accomplished by phone. If you make the call, and ask them how they are doing....it is very possible they will be very open with you and tell you what is really going on.... And all you have to do is LISTEN! Don't worry about thinking up solutions to their problems....the most important thing you can do is LISTEN to them....and then help them to LISTEN to one another.

You can do more than merely LISTEN. But LISTENING to them is the most important first step. If you need help with any next steps, you can look for idea on the web site (See Links to the WWW) and if you need additional assistance go to "Contact Us."

The most important thing to know is that you have taken a step to reach out to this newly married couple and it is very possible that you are the first people who have taken the initiative to do that. That is WONDERFUL!