What Engaged Couples need to know....
Scientific Research builds better cars....and marriages!
Cars are better and safer today because a great deal of scientific research has carefully examined what happens to a vehicle when it is involved in a terrible accident. Scientific analysis of deliberately planned crashes has produced information that designers have used to make cars in which people can survive accidents that would have been fatal in older cars.
Likewise, the analysis of failed marriages and troubled marriages has provided information that can help couples learn "marriage survival" skills so they can establish and maintain the kind of love relationship that will help them successfully manage the marital challenges that overcome too many couples.
Lesson #1: Every marriage will face challenges.
The traditional marriage vows remind couples that marriage is about dealing with the "good times and the bad times" because every married couple will have to deal with difficulties and challenges. The "good times" will be easy and will not require special skills. It is the "bad times" that will require special skills. And it is not enough to know these skills, it is being able to practice these skills whenever they are needed and whether you "feel" like it or not!
Lesson #2: Incompatibility is ...... normal!
Most couples who divorce claim that the reason for their divorce is that they are incompatible. They say that they got married because they believed they were compatible, and then later discovered they were actually incompatible.
But marriage educators can now help engaged couples to learn how they are incompatible in many ways even when they are madly in love with each other! In fact, being in love make it possible for both of them to love everything about the other person...even their differences!
So the process of learning skills for life long successful marriage begins with a couple learning to name differences....because these differences will become incompatibilities....and learn how to deal with these differences/incompatibilities during the time of marriage preparation. So marriage preparation is not about learning how to not have differences; marriage preparation is all about learning relationship skills that will help them successfully (lovingly) deal with the differences and incompatibilities that will be present in their marriage!
Lesson #3 - What are the relationship skills needed?
Married couples in troubled marriages often say: We can't communicate? So you might think that what engaged couples need to learn is communication skills. But we think there is something more fundamental than "communication skills." We think that couples need to learn a great deal about their Family of Origin (the family I came from) and then collaborate on the effort to understand how their different families are the source of key difference they will live with. Learning to identify and effectively deal with their family of origin differences will require effective communication skills. But unless a couple uses communication skills to deal with family of origin differences, they are missing the most important issues they need to communicate about!
Lesson #4 - An effective strategy.
For Better and For Ever is designed to teach the skills couples need to know. Click > Effective Strategy