Teaching Prayer by Pat & June Kennedy.
 [Prayer in Marriage]

Teach Them How To Pray

Deacon Pat and June Kennedy

Reprinted from Deacon Digest May/June 2005

After having help with marriage preparation most of our 43 years of married life, one of the key points that have stuck with us is the topic of Prayer.  "Teach them how to pray," is a quote from Father Rob Ruhnke CSSR, the author of the Sponsor Couple Workbook entitled, For Better and Forever. The Sponsor Couple Program for marriage preparation of en­gaged couples was developed by Father Ruhnke while he served as the Family Life Director in the Diocese of Galveston-Houston in the 1970's.

Father Rob told us during train­ing sessions that if we didn't teach the couples anything else, “teach them how to pray together, they will need it.”   When we train cou­ples for this same ministry we always insist that teaching the engaged couple to pray together should be stressed as a gift/skill they can take with them and use through their entire married life.

At some point in our “sponsorship” meetings with an engaged couple in our home we ask the engaged couple: have they ever prayed togeth­er?  We usually received very little or no response at all.  But once the topic is opened up, we can explain to them that prayer together was not part of our lives when we began our marriage, but we have found our efforts to pray together one of the most intimate things we can do. And we have learned from other couples that praying together is something they can share together ~ even if they are not of the same faith ~ which brings them closer and help in healing when they may have passed through some rough waters in their marriage.

Pat was raised as a cradle Cath­olic so most of his prayers were memorized. June was raised in the Protestant persuasion and most of her prayers were spontaneous, but with head bowed and eyes closed to rule out distractions. So we came from very different family backgrounds in our approach to prayer, even though we were both Roman Catholics by the time we married.

We were challenged by one priest on a retreat weekend to turn to one another, look into each oth­ers eyes (“the windows of the soul”), and pray aloud, taking turns. We use the model of prayer that Jesus taught us but in our own words. The general format is:

1. Praise and glorify the Father for his love, goodness, holiness, etc.

2. Express sorrow for our failings and hurts we may have caused.

3. Petitions for guidance, direction, and intercessory favors.

4. Thanksgiving for the abundance of gifts and favors we've received.

Having acknowledged to the engaged couple how difficult this was for us when we first began our efforts to pray together, we point out the benefits of this three way conversation.  God is a real 3^rd party to our marriage. Our supposition is that if we can not recognize the sacredness of others in our life we will have a difficult time expe­riencing God in our life.

With eyes wide open!! How vul­nerable can you get? We advise starting slowly, one sentence at a time. We then model the process for them, facing each other, holding hands we do our prayer ritual for them out loud.  When we finish we invite them to face one another, hold hands and pray the best they can following our model.

As you can imagine, the scene is usually halting but wonderful. We are very much aware that this is likely to be a first time experience for this couple in their own cocoon with their Creator. They gradually realize that there is no need to fear anyone else listening in, they focus on each other…and then speak to God. Often they are moved to tears.

Prayer together as a couple is a unique opportunity to tell the story of what's in your heart, what concerns you have, providing for your partner a peek into the very soul of who you are. With a little practice it gets even better and a whole lot easier. When our sponsorship sessions are completed, in the eval­uation papers, many cou­ples thank us for teaching them how to pray together.

In order to bond the family and build the best marriage possible, Fr. Ruhnke asked us to plead with the couples, both engaged and sponsors, to sit down at the table together to have a family meal. Turn off the television, cell phones or any other distrac­tions, break bread together and thank God for your blessings. With today's crazy schedules it's diffi­cult, but make it a priority for at least one meal a day.

We followed the practice of sharing our evening meal at home with all six of our children around the table every evening at six o'clock. This was a priority for everyone who wanted to eat because our family did not allow the use of the microwave oven to permit late comers to warm up a plate after they had done their sep­arate individual thing four or five nights a week. (Another escape mechanism for those who desire to avoid family intimacy.)

Our prayers always included the traditional, "Bless us, O Lord. . .," but we did inject some special prayers on holidays, birthdays, and particular feasts. For these occa­sions we followed the Walton fam­ily method (remember how they sat around the table holding hands during their meal time prayer) and we took it one step further.  Dad would start the prayer and then we would go around the table with each one saying what they were most thankful for in their life that week or at that occasion. This is a tradition that we still use when we are all together, and our chil­dren have used it in their own indi­vidual families, and that is a gift for which we are most thankful.

Our family has expanded to include l0 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren. The experi­ences we have had together have not always been easy, and certainly our behavior with one another has not always been perfect, but we do have our prayers, and shared prayer has been a true gift for all of us.  Children don't seem to be shy at all, in sharing their prayers.

Deacon Pat and June Kennedy minister in the Diocese of Austin, Texas.

 

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