Teaching Prayer
Teaching Prayer....by Pat and June Kennedy
Teach
Them How To Pray
Deacon
Pat and June Kennedy
Reprinted
from Deacon Digest May/June 2005
After having help with
marriage preparation most of our 43 years of married life, one of the key
points that have stuck with us is the topic of Prayer. "Teach them
how to pray," is a quote from Father Rob Ruhnke CSSR, the author of the
Sponsor Couple Workbook entitled, For Better and Forever. The Sponsor
Couple Program for marriage preparation of engaged couples was developed
by Father Ruhnke while he served as the Family Life Director in the Diocese
of Galveston-Houston in the 1970's.
Father Rob told us
during training sessions that if we didn't teach the couples anything else,
“teach them how to pray together, they will need it.”
When we train couples for this same ministry we always insist that teaching
the engaged couple to pray together should be stressed as a gift/skill they
can take with them and use through their entire married life.
At some point in our
“sponsorship” meetings with an engaged couple in our home we ask the engaged
couple: have they ever prayed together? We usually received
very little or no response at all. But once the topic is opened up,
we can explain to them that prayer together was not part of our lives when
we began our marriage, but we have found our efforts to pray together one
of the most intimate things we can do. And we have learned from other couples
that praying together is something they can share together ~ even if they
are not of the same faith ~ which brings them closer and help in healing
when they may have passed through some rough waters in their marriage.
Pat was raised as
a cradle Catholic so most of his prayers were memorized. June was raised
in the Protestant persuasion and most of her prayers were spontaneous, but
with head bowed and eyes closed to rule out distractions. So we came from
very different family backgrounds in our approach to prayer, even though
we were both Roman Catholics by the time we married.
We were challenged
by one priest on a retreat weekend to turn to one another, look into each
others eyes (“the windows of the soul”), and pray aloud, taking turns.
We use the model of prayer that Jesus taught us but in our own words. The
general format is:
1. Praise and glorify
the Father for his love, goodness, holiness, etc.
2. Express sorrow
for our failings and hurts we may have caused.
3. Petitions
for guidance, direction, and intercessory favors.
4. Thanksgiving
for the abundance of gifts and favors we've received.
Having acknowledged
to the engaged couple how difficult this was for us when we first began
our efforts to pray together, we point out the benefits of this three way
conversation. God is a real 3rd party to our marriage.
Our supposition is that if we can not recognize the sacredness of others
in our life we will have a difficult time experiencing God in our life.
With eyes wide open!!
How vulnerable can you get? We advise starting slowly, one sentence at
a time. We then model the process for them, facing each other, holding hands
we do our prayer ritual for them out loud. When we finish we invite
them to face one another, hold hands and pray the best they can following
our model.
As you can imagine,
the scene is usually halting but wonderful. We are very much aware that
this is likely to be a first time experience for this couple in their own
cocoon with their Creator. They gradually realize that there is no need
to fear anyone else listening in, they focus on each other…and then speak
to God. Often they are moved to tears.
Prayer together as
a couple is a unique opportunity to tell the story of what's in your heart,
what concerns you have, providing for your partner a peek into the very
soul of who you are. With a little practice it gets even better and a whole
lot easier. When our sponsorship sessions are completed, in the evaluation
papers, many couples thank us for teaching them how to pray together.
In order to bond the
family and build the best marriage possible, Fr. Ruhnke asked us to plead
with the couples, both engaged and sponsors, to sit down at the table together
to have a family meal. Turn off the television, cell phones or any other
distractions, break bread together and thank God for your blessings. With
today's crazy schedules it's difficult, but make it a priority for at least
one meal a day.
We followed the practice
of sharing our evening meal at home with all six of our children around
the table every evening at six o'clock. This was a priority for everyone
who wanted to eat because our family did not allow the use of the microwave
oven to permit late comers to warm up a plate after they had done their
separate individual thing four or five nights a week. (Another escape mechanism
for those who desire to avoid family intimacy.)
Our prayers always
included the traditional, "Bless us, O Lord. . .," but we did inject some
special prayers on holidays, birthdays, and particular feasts. For these
occasions we followed the Walton family method (remember how they sat
around the table holding hands during their meal time prayer) and we took
it one step further. Dad would start the prayer and then we would
go around the table with each one saying what they were most thankful for
in their life that week or at that occasion. This is a tradition that we
still use when we are all together, and our children have used it in their
own individual families, and that is a gift for which we are most thankful.
Our family has expanded
to include l0 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren. The experiences
we have had together have not always been easy, and certainly our behavior
with one another has not always been perfect, but we do have our prayers,
and shared prayer has been a true gift for all of us. Children don't
seem to be shy at all, in sharing their prayers.
Deacon Pat and
June Kennedy minister in the Diocese of Austin, Texas.