Mentor/Sponsor Couples...what does that mean?

by Rob Ruhnke June 18, 2008

The terms "sponsor couple" and "mentor couple" are sometimes used to mean the same thing. But they can also be used to refer to concepts which are significantly different.

The term "sponsor couple" has been used since about 1974 within Roman Catholic churches/dioceses to refer to married couples trained to "journey with" engaged couples as they prepare for lifelong commitment of marriage. In the same way that a "sponsor" for an adult catechumen is a person of the local church who takes responsibility for sharing his/her faith with the catechumen by providing a “working example” of how to live as a Christian. So "sponsor couples" provide for the engaged a working example of a married couple "doing" lifelong marriage.

The term "mentor couple" seems to have originated in Protestant churches and among marriage educators to refer to married couples who are more extensively trained so that they are qualified to deal not only with couples who are preparing for marriage, but also married couples who are seeking assistance in sustaining their marriages (usually because they are having “marriage problems” of some kind). This is similar to a "spiritual director" in Catholic tradition, i.e., a person who has some special competence to guide other people.

I often use the term "sponsor/mentor couple" to refer to "sponsor couples" when I speak in settings that include marriage educators to communicate the concept of "sponsor couples." However, I think these distinctions help to clarify what kind of training is necessary/appropriate for “sponsor couples” and “mentor couples.” A couple who is being trained to serve as a “sponsor couple” needs to acknowledge that their life experience of living lifelong marriage is the primary experience they bring to the task of sponsorship. Their training is mostly about clarifying the limits of their role and some tips on how to interact with engaged couples as adults. “Mentor couples” who are being prepared to deal with couples who have relationship disabilities which need “fixing” would need additional training.