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[Couples]
For Better and For Ever was designed to assist dating couples (if your are seriously thinking about marriage, now is the time to start using the books) and engaged couples prepare for Christian marriage (even if one of you is not a member of the Christian tradition). It will address questions that you know you need to address as a couple, and questions you may have not yet thought about. There is a Catholic edition and a Protestant edition. We are also working on a Covenant edition of For Better and For Ever which will be a "secular" edition for those who are not members of any Christian denomination or may not have no belief in a personal God, but are wanting to enter a marriage of lifelong commitment to one another.
Here is a sample of that you can find on the Internet >>> Resources for planning my wedding ceremony.
Most churches today are convinced that good marriage preparation programs can help couples avoid the mistakes that have destroyed too many marriages. Most Catholic parishes and many Protestant churches will require some form of marriage preparation. However, most pastors are open to input from couples in selecting a process which you think will best suit you and your partner. You can use For Better & For Ever to get started on this preparation even before you contact your church or pastor. Most pastors will be pleased that you took the initiative to get started on a marriage preparation process and will agree that For Better & For Ever is an excellent marriage preparation program (even if the pastor is more familiar with other programs).
I recommend reading Abigail Kelly's article "Can this marriage ceremony be saved?"
Like most faith traditions, the Catholic Church
encourages Catholics to marry another Catholic because it is assumed that if two
people share the same faith tradition it will be easier for them to
incorporate their personal experience of faith into their marriage and
raise their children in this same faith tradition.
At the same time, the Catholic Church recognizes the
reality that a Catholic may "fall in love" with ~ and decide to marry ~ a person
who is not a member of the Catholic Church. In such a situation the
Catholic Church recognizes the right
of a Catholic to ask permission or dispensation from his/her bishop in
order marry a person who is not a member of the Catholic Church. If
the Catholic is seeking to marry a person who is a baptized Protestant, it is
only necessary to request "permission" from the bishop in
order to enter an interchurch marriage. If
the Catholic is seeking to marry a person who is not baptized (e.g., a Jew,
Muslim, agnostic, etc), it is necessary to request a "dispensation"
in order to enter an interfaith marriage.
The Catholic can obtain this permission or dispensation by
meeting with his/her pastor, who will have the proper forms for recording the
information that must be included in the request. These requests are
usually always granted, and are returned to the local pastor within a few days
(it is usually done by snail mail).
NOTE. This answer about marrying a person who is not
Catholic assumes that the person you wish to marry is free to marry you in
the Catholic Church. If either of you have been
married before, you will need to deal with the questions of freedom to marry first.
If either of you have been married before you will need to establish your
freedom to marry in the Catholic Church before you can obtain permission
or delegation to marry a person who is not a Catholic.
If you are of two different faith traditions, for example, Baptist and Catholic or one of you is not a member of the Christian tradition, you will want to check out >> Important information for InterFaith and InterChurch couples.
If you are planning to marry in the Catholic Church and either of you has been married before (even a civil
marriage or common law marriage), you will need to establish your "freedom to marry" according to the criteria of canon law
(Catholic Church law). Even if you are a well educated Catholic, you may not
know enough to determine whether a previous marriage is "valid" or "invalid"
by the standards of Canon Law. It is very important to speak with
someone qualified to help you deal with this before you make wedding plans.
You are welcome to email me about
your situation > Rob
Ruhnke
, I can sort it out for you. (Note: I may ask you to consider
talking with me on the phone if I need more information from you....). Before
you send me an email....see if this additional information provides you with
what you need to know...>> Additional
Information.
If you are planning a wedding in a Protestant church, a previous
marriage may not be as difficult to deal with, but talk with the pastor
before you make final plans.
This question is probably important only if you are planning a wedding in a Catholic Church. Trust me that there are lots of false ideas about "annulments." I spend a lot of my time trying to explain what an annulment is NOT. For some better ideas check out:
The only way to know for sure is to talk with someone who is well versed in Catholic Canon Law. There are so many variables that each situation must be examined individually. That is why you will not find a web site that offers answers from Canon Law. Email me about your situation, if it is really complex I may recommend we talk by phone. > Rob Ruhnke
If you are planning marriage in a Catholic Church. The Catholic party can easily receive formal approval from the Catholic Church to marry a person who is not a member of the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church has an official policy of honoring the conscience of the non-Catholic party and respecting his/her religion, in other words, there will be no pressure placed on the non-Catholic to "convert" to the Catholic tradition.
If you are planning marriage in any other church. Most
Christian churches have a policy that is similar to the Catholic Church, but
you will want to check this out with the pastor of the church.
True, the Catholic Church once required the non-Catholic partner to agree to raise the children in the Catholic tradition, however this policy was radically changed in the 1960's. For a fuller explanation see >> Mixed marriages: Promises about children’s religious upbringing.
First of all. Don't panic about this question. But it deserves an adequate explanation, which I have written at >> Is Confirmation required?
No and Yes! Canon Law does not require a Catholic to register in a local church. On the other hand, whether you are Protestant or Catholic, registering in a church is considered a normal way to demonstrate an adult decision to be a part of a church "family." If you are desiring the services of a church for the celebration of your wedding, you would be wise to begin by "signing up."
That is up to you. It does not have to be the nearest Catholic or Protestant church. If you want to "belong" to a church, you will find most churches glad to welcome you.
Many Protestant ministers will be willing
to assist you with an outdoor wedding.
If you are planning a Catholic
wedding, this question deserves a fuller
explanation, see What about
an outdoor wedding?
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