Email from Rob Scuka to Diane Sollee.

DIALOGUE – CRITICAL MARITAL SKILL.
Re: Men/Women And Intimacy Replies:

Diane Sollee, MSW
Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education
Founder & Director

March 3, 2003

Diane,

I agree with the positions of both Terrence Real and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead on the one hand and Michelle Wiener-Davis on the other concerning women, men and intimacy.

One the one hand it's important for men to come to understand better the intimacy needs and styles of their female partners, because otherwise their partners may become unhappy and dissatisfied, and the relationship may suffer.

On the other hand, it also is important for women to come to understand the unique forms and styles of male intimacy, especially that for many men intimacy is experienced in and through a loving sexual relationship and the experience of love-making.

The deeper point, however, in terms of process, is that the best way for both men and women to come to learn about one another's needs, styles, preferences, etc. is to dialogue about them. And that is exactly what the Relationship Enhancement Program's relationship skills and dialogue process encourages and facilitates couples to do.

In the end, it is only by two unique intimate partners (not men and women in general) sitting down and expressing to one another what is important to each one of them, and each in turn listening intently and empathizing deeply with their partner, that together they can create a richly and mutually satisfying intimate relationship.

Rob Scuka, Ph.D., M.S.W.

Director of Couples Programs

National Institute of Relationship Enhancement >> www.nire.org