FOUR MONEY TALKS TO HAVE BEFORE MARRIAGE.

The New York Times
By RON LIEBER
October 23, 2009

Divorce tends to be emotionally gut-wrenching for the people who go through it (not to mention those around them). But most couples don’t realize that divorce can also be among the most ruinous financial moves anyone can make.

Sure, you could bet big and lose on a single stock or money manager. Or your small business could go bankrupt, taking your life savings with it. But divorce and the costs that often come with it, from legal bills to the sudden need for an additional residence, affect far more people.

The risk that any marriage will end in divorce is about 45 percent, according to David Popenoe, a professor of sociology emeritus at Rutgers University. The chances fall to about 40 percent for first marriages and decline further for college-educated couples, people from intact families and couples who share the same religion.

Given the various financial complications, I’ve long wanted to devote a series of columns to divorce and money. This week, I’ll start with a topic that could save some marriages if more people made it a priority. It’s crucial to air and resolve financial disagreements beforehand.

It’s almost impossible to be hooked up to somebody who has the same balance of spender and saver as you, or expansiveness versus conservativeness or financial circumstances, says Gregory A. Kuhlman, a New York City psychologist who runs marriage success training programs with his wife, Patricia Schell Kuhlman.

He adds that the mix gets even more volatile with second marriages, when couples may have children, ingrained financial habits and savings or other assets that necessitate the discussion of a prenuptial agreement. Success in marriage is only partly attributable to compatibility. It’s about how you manage those differences and whether you have a style for doing so that is successful.

What follows is a list of four financial issues that ought to be near the top of the discussion list before getting married. Please add to the list in the comments of the online version of this article.

The rest of the article lays out the four areas nicely --

1 – Ancestry (Family of Origin): How did your parents deal with money and what rules and behaviors
have you learned and will bring with you as you walk down the aisle?

2 – Credit: Our credit histories are often our best kept secrets.

3 – Control: Does the one that makes the money get to make spending decisions -- or the one that does the research on which car to buy or school for the kids to attend? - and so on.

4 – Affluence: Just how rich does each of you hope to be some day and do you take this affluence-seeker and her 80 hr work week to have and to hold?

Read the full article and add your comments: http://tinyurl.com/yk2lwvd